Sep 16, 2008

The Illusion of Importance

Remember when I wanted a mortar and pestle. Read about it here. I thought it would validate me in some way -- I would be a Different Person if I only had a mortar and pestle.

Well, I had a similar experience today. I was sitting at Starbucks reading more fiction, basically squandering my life away, when this tiny, but powerful woman came to sit at the table beside me. She removed the jacket of her Power Suit, popped open her computer and snapped open her cell phone. Perfume hovered within a 3 yard radius. Power reeked from her pores. I shook in my boots. Customers withered in her shadow.

As she performed a discourse into her cell phone, I heard her use the word "agenda." That perked me right up. Agenda. Hmmmm.... I should use that word more often. It's so absolute. Commanding. Irrefutable. Significant. You say "agenda" and it's as good as done. Whatever's on the Agenda gets done. You can't argue with an Agenda.
I would be such a different person if I used words like that.

I was pulled back to the present when I heard another word "Matrix." The entire town square froze for 30 seconds. Eyebrows shot up. Matrix. Wow. This lady isn't just another Sarah Barracuda, another Power Suit, she is so beyond that. This creature said "matrix." Then she slipped up. . . she said "senator." OK, that's going too far. That did it. She got a little footloose and fancy free with her power words. Anybody carelessly slinging words around like that in public is a FAKE. She no longer intimidated me, oh noooo.

I snapped my cell phone open, hit a speed dial number and said, "Give me Miller." pause "mumble, mumble, murmur, cough, ultimately massive mumble, mumble, incorporate global resources, murmur, Agenda, cough, mumble - no excuses. I expect to hear from you by 0900." Oh, girl, I'm impressive when I get my game on!

No, of course, I didn't fake a call on my cell, but I could have. So that leads me..... take the poll at the top of my page: How many of you have faked calls?


Anonymous said...

What in the world are they putting in your Starbucks?

JMaslar said...

I did not exactly fake a call, but here is what happened. I was at a line at the pharmacy window at Walmart. The lady behind me was talking on the cell phone so loud you could hear her at the back of the store. I was so angry, that I got my phone and called Ma; and just jabbered into the phone as loud as I could. It did not, however, phase the rude lady!

Poof said...

JMaslar: beautiful! I love it. OK, everyone else, unload your cell phone grievances, consider this your support group.

Anonymous said...

Bluetooth headsets!!! GRRRR!! I can't stand to be at the grocery store & hear someone talking outloud (not to mention they can be very loud)to NO ONE around them only to see they have their headsets on, & I wonder are they really talking to someone on the other end or just talking outloud to themselves???

Poof said...

Renee: YES! I usually don't notice the blue tooth until I've answered them back and feel foolish.

Anonymous said...

I've never faked a call but I have a friend who tried to horn in on a cell phone conversation in the lady's room. Of course, my friend had no clue the other woman in the next stall was on a cell phone and kept on answering the stranger's questions until finally the woman announced coldly: I'M ON MY CELL PHONE!!

My friend was mortified and waited until the rest room was empty to vacate the stall.

This friend is also the one who sat down in a booth at a restaurant with friends. It had been raining and she accidently hit the open button on her umbrella as she was trying to put it down beside her leg. SWOOSH!!! The umbrella flew open, pinning the people in place in the booth! The poor waitress had to crawl on her hands and knees under the table/booth to reach the umbrella button to make it fold up again.

Yup, this friend is a keeper!

Poof said...

A "friend", Ruth, really... this is group support, you can be honest, a "friend" always means oneself in therapy.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I didn't realize that your blog was group therapy.

So much cheaper than seeing a shrink.

But, no, this time the "friend" was not me. I'll have to remember that technique for future postings, though.