Monday, February 14

Love & Respect, Book Review

Love & Respect.  The love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs.
By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Thomas Nelson Publishers

"How can I get my husband to love me as much as I love him?"

This was the most common question Dr. Eggerichs encountered as a pastor.  He fumbled around with it for a few years until he had his "Aha!" moment in '98 when a fresh reading of Ephesians 5:33 pinpointed the Love & Respect connection, the simple secret to a better marriage.  God commands a man to love his wife, but commands a woman to respect her husband.  And it's right there, plain as day:  Love & Respect.....

Because men and women see and hear things in profoundly different ways, Eggerichs explains that we don't naturally understand the Love & Respect connection, it has to be learned and lived out with intention and faith.  When differences arise, each spouse must first ask, "Is my wife coming across to me disrespectfully because she is feeling unloved?" or "Is my husband coming across unloving because he is feeling disrespected?" 

Love & Respect is helpful.  The structure of the book is easy to navigate.  There's a section for the men and a section for the ladies, both full of advice and examples.

Men are instructed to use the acronym COUPLE:
  • Closeness - She wants you to be close
  • Openness - She wants you to open up to her
  • Understanding - Don't try to "fix" her, just listen
  • Peacemaking - She wants you to say "I'm sorry"
  • Loyalty - She needs to know you're committed
  • Esteem - She wants you to honor and cherish her 
Ladies are to use CHAIRS:
  • Conquest - Appreciate his desire to work & achieve
  • Hierachy - Appreciate his desire to protect & provide
  • Authority - Appreciate his desire to serve & lead
  • Insight - Appreciate his desire to analyze & counsel
  • Relationship - Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
  • Sexuality - Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy

The appendix is full of practical things to do, an inventory to take and "how to" advice.  Also, the appendix addresses the exceptions to the Love & Respect pattern.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"God has not made your wife to function around that kind of attitude."
"Because males tend to be so bottom-line, it would be easy to sound harsh without even realizing it."
"Husbands do not say, 'Hey, Harry, let me show you what the guys wore in my wedding.'  This is a graphic illustration of pink and blue (girl/guy differences) and you should be aware of it."
"Many women have no idea of the importance men put on their work."

Unconditional love or unconditional respect is still a tough pill to swallow.   Love motivates respect and respect motivates love, but someone has to go first.  And that's where chapter 3 comes in, "The Real Reason to Love & Respect."  But you'll have to read the book to find the answer.

Love & Respect is based on Biblical principles and Eggerichs doesn't attempt to be politically correct.  This book is not designed for the feminazi type.  Or maybe it is exactly what she needs.
Find out more at

Disclosure:  The product in this review was given free of charge by the publisher. My opinions are my honest views and were not influenced by any source. I was not compensated monetarily to advertise this book.
Happy Valentine's Day!!
now get out there and love & respect each other

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