Stick Out Your Can, Here Comes the Garbage Man

Guest Writer: Ruth Morse

Part 2 in a series fixated on trash.

How do you throw away a garbage can?

When I was a kid (editor's note: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha), garbage cans were made of metal.  They lasted a long, long time.  We once had a very old metal can that developed a hole, smack in the middle of the bottom.  Still usable.  As long as the garbage didn't get too heavy.

My parents lived through the depression.  They literally ate oatmeal three times a day so they could make payments on the mortgage.  So their mindset was:  you didn't throw stuff away as long as you could get any little bit of use out of it!

We kept using the rusty can.  But, of course, the hole in the bottom of the can got progressively bigger.  And bigger.  And bigger.  The day came when the bottom of the can was totally gone.  I mean, all that was left was a metal cylinder, plus a lid!

Mom decided it was time to throw out the trash....can.

Have you ever tried to throw away a garbage can? ....
 It ain't easy, mom discovered.  At first, she thought the garbagemen would somehow KNOW the can couldn't be used anymore and just throw the whole kit and caboodle (exactly what is a "caboodle?"  Have I asked this before?  I still don't know...) in the truck.  It became obvious that these particular guys were not up to making such executive decisions (editor's note:  Ruth said that, not me).  They carefully emptied the bottomless can and put it carefully on the curb.

The next week mom put a sign on the can:  PLEASE DISCARD THIS CAN!  Didn't work.

Mom tried to flatten the can, thinking then it would look more like a throw away.  Another flop.

She tried jamming it into a larger can along with some other trash.  The guys carefully set the flattened can on the ground next to the now-empty big trash can.

Fast forward to the 21st century.  We don't own metal trash cans.  Oh no, we have indestructible plastic!  Or not.

This ugly-super-cold-nasty-endless NYS winter (editor's note: 68 and sunny here) has taken its toll in so many ways.  One of them is a damaged garbage can.  Poor thing had expanded and contracted one too many times, and it developed a split running vertically along the side.  It was such a cute little thing!  We used it to store calcium chloride to put on icy sidewalks. (Editor's note:  the calcium chloride might have had something to do with disintegrating plastic)

If only it were metal---sort of a super sized tin can. Driftwood/Jim would have such fun smushing it flat! [see previous post] But it's plastic, and you can't smush a plastic can. They bounce right back!

I suppose we could buy a super sized garbage bag and stuff it in there for the trash guys. We could borrow Paul's sawzall and cut it into interesting strips and throw it in with the regular trash.

Any better suggestions, anyone?

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...and one more thing......
uh, I'll get back to you when I remember it.
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The Cheap Senior Citizen is a Guest Writer who occasionally shares helpful hints she has learned through her experience.
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