First Trip to Costco

So I crossed Sugar Creek in what we call the Chariot, legs heavy on the footrest of my recliner, driven by the same driver I had for my birth week celebrations.

We crossed McMullen Creek and glided through Matthews, NC.

I would give you exact directions, but the way we went included two U-turns and took a little bit longer because I distracted the driver with my story about Benji and the long johns from The Bake Shoppe that were really short johns due to Bidenomics.

It must've been national handicap day because all of the handicap spots were taken. My driver was also driving my 80 something year old parents and handicap parking would've hit the spot. One handicap spot was taken by what appeared to be a 20 something year old guy in excellent health. We see this more and more - non-handicaps parking in the handicap spots.

My sister flashed her pass and we were granted entrance. We each grabbed a buggy and headed to the concession stand for lunch (our reason for coming here).

I had heard about their world famous quarter pound hot dog and knew I had to have one. One hot dog and one drink for a $1.50. Then I saw their giant slices of pizza and knew I had to have one. $1.99. She overcharged me for two drinks, but I didn't notice on account of all the chaos and buggies running into me. 

Take your own kraut. They have other condiments, no kraut. Everybody is right, the hot dogs are amazing.

While we were eating, our buggies were stolen.

My sister went outside to get new buggies. She left her membership card with us, inside at the table. When she attempted to re-enter the store with our buggies, she was stopped and told she could not enter without her card. She explained what happened and they did not trust her. She is a panicky sort and got very agitated being without both her cell phone and membership card She felt accosted and indicted, not helping her case at all. 

The officer, I mean clerk, said she would be willing to escort my sister inside Costco to retrieve her membership card. My sister arrived visibly shaken, produced her card and her escort left amid some colorful language.

We exited the concession area and moved slowly through the chaotic crowd to the front door where we could acquire some buggies, my sister having failed us.

I was not happy with the crowd. I wouldn't want to shop very often with people in my way, squeezing past me and pushing from behind. Costco is not the place for me  ChaosCo. 

The free samples, on the other hand, provided some attraction for me.

Be sure to take your 69-cent refillable drink along as you shop to wash down your samples.

Pictured here are my Hello Panda chocolate cookies and my Mama Chia blackberry snack. Both were excellent, definitely stop by those stations.

I did not sample the Zena Liquid Collagen beverage. But as I went past I heard another customer say "It's not terrible."

Be strategic with the free samples. We sent dad ahead as a scout. He would sample, then give us a discreet thumbs up or down.

Traffic came to a standstill at the Del Real tamales sample station on account of them being so good and too close to the pork samples. Dad gave a thumbs up, so I buckled down and headed in.

I got tied up at the tamale station and missed dad's hand signal for the veggie blueberry muffin station. Mom said the Veggie station made a great blueberry muffin so I recklessly grabbed both the blueberry muffin sample and the chocolate raspberry muffin sample without dad's signal. Bad move. They were both horrible. You can't disguise that carrot in the muffin! That sample station had the fullest trash can of all on account of all those hidden veggies.

Mom gave the Ruby Kirkland Popcorn a thumbs down so I sauntered on by with a polite nod to the senior citizen doling them out.

We separated a bit after those foul experiences, then I thought I saw dad across the warehouse, but it couldn't be him because this guy was wearing a different shirt, a nice crisp hoodie. I've never in my life seen my dad in a hoodie.

As I inched closer, I found it WAS dad. In a hoodie. He was trying on. In the store. In public.

I did an about face with furtive glances to the left and right and quickly went the other way which happened to take me by the Hello Panda samples again.

I had three items in my buggy which added up to a 46" x 62" circumference of boxed products that will last me 423 days alone or 66 days if my grandkids come over.

We were approaching checkout when suddenly we had a mishap on aisle 317 causing the clean-up man to come beeping down the aisle.

They should have one of those robot cleaners like the ones at the Walmarts. They don't even need a driver. Or snack breaks. They clean 24/7. But no,  ChaosCo still has the manned ones.

Anyway, it took 3 clerks and a five minute conversation for us to cash out. It was complicated on account of we had two members and three guests. I got the impression that ChaosCo does not like guests. In fact, I know they don't.

But that's okay, I don't really like them. Well, I like their hot dogs.