Jul 5, 2008

Weekly News Digest III

1. Catfish chokes on soccer ball in German canal. The link. "Whether the fish was caught up in soccer ball fever in the aftermath of the European championship and hence snapped at the ball can unfortunately not be determined," police said in a statement.

2. How does Mars taste? Salty, reports lander. The link. OK, if I was sending a robotic arm to Mars, the first question on my list would not be "how does it taste?" That probably wouldn't even be the 900th question on my list. But maybe it's just because I'm on a diet. Maybe everyone else would love a taste.

3. Man Walked Highway in Thong. The link. He "allegedly strolled along Interstate 291 wearing nothing but a thong." I would rather taste Mars than see that. But I do like the image of "strolling along." Nobody strolls anymore. I think we need to bring it back, just not in our thongs.

4. Man charged with Hitting Mother with Sausage. The link. Pretty boring story, but anything about Polish Sausage catches my attention.

5. Crash Diet for Japan's Fat Monkeys. The link. Poor things have been taken off their favorite potatoes and put on whole wheat. Japan isn't known for overweight problems, this is surprising news.

6. Baby Otters Safe after City Stroll, Stop at Tavern. The link. The pair were reported "slinking" across porches. Get out. I never knew otters slinked. After dark, of course, one was safely asleep while one was out carousing at a nearby bar. Opposites always attract.

7. Mom allegedly hid weapons in stroller. The link. You have to read this quote: "An upstate New York woman has been charged with concealing a small armory of weapons in her child's stroller." A small armory? In a stroller? How'd she get caught other than the obvious reasons, "she pulled a knife and then a sawed-off shotgun out of the stroller to threaten the other woman." She just whipped out a sawed-off shotgun. Out of a stroller. She really "packs" her diaper bag, huh.

8. Destructive vultures won't leave house. The link. OK, so all the other vultures can stay, but the destructive ones have to go. The phrase I like in this story is "...home has been targeted by a group of vultures." Makes it sound like a terrorist act. Targeted. This isn't a random thing, these vultures have worked together, formed a plot and chose a target.

It's been an exciting news week.

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