Dec 31, 2009

Happy New Year!!

As I write this, New Zealand and Australia have already welcomed in 2010. We on the east coast of the US, however, are still waiting patiently. In the rain. And in SC, it is a fairly warm rain.
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I've never seen the ball drop in Times Square. I lived an hour's drive away and still never went to see it. Tom went at least once, hurried, hurried, hurried and got there a minute too late. (another instance of "almost" being not good enough)
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NYC began the New Years Eve tradition in 1907 with the first ball drop. The waiters and staff in many Times Square eateries and hotels were given battery powered top hats that lit up 1908 across each head with t-tiny lightbulbs.
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The ball has dropped every year since, except '42 and '43 during NYC's wartime "dimout." The crowd still gathered and bells were chimed, but no lights and no ball. The ball has undergone tons and tons of changes, different size/weight, different materials and colors and recently it has doubled in diameter and possibly tripled in weight, which is probably significant of our current lifestyles.
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The dropping of a ball to mark time seems to date back to maritime needs, a way to mark time for sea captains to set their chronometers. That's the type of thing that really attracts me to the "old days:" Traditions and Symbols for mass communication and community awareness. When I was a kid, for example, the whole neighborhood knew it was dinner time when Mrs. Gabello rang the big bell and all the Gabellos went running home. You could count on Mrs. Gabello's gong. Church bells are another great form of communication. In upstate NY, down the road from the Gabellos, our church bell would ring every Sunday morning and sometimes at odd times whenever, say, me or Matt would swing on the bell rope. In my town today, the Methodist church bells ring each day at noon. I love it and perk up like a dog, nodding my ear towards the north end of town.
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Lights. Lights are another great old form of communication. Combine church bells and lights and you probably think of Paul Revere's Midnight Ride. Two lanterns in the bell tower of Christ Church in Boston meant the troops should cross Charles River by sea instead of by land. (visit Boston if you haven't already, the history is so cool) Then of course there's lighthouses and stop lights, both for communication and order. SOS. Morse Code. That stuff is so cool. Flags - flags are used to communicate.
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I want a secret form of communication in Wagener, a new symbol that only residents and rural neighbors would know. I remember when the Claridge House Bed and Breakfast came to town, somewhere I read that they'd lay out a red carpet on the front steps which would indicate they are serving a public lunch. I thought that was so cool. I just knew I'd stop in for lunch when the red carpet was out. I watched and watched for that red carpet. Never saw it. I was so disappointed. Let's start a new symbol, give me some good ideas!
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Two things I want from 2010:

  • to participate in a Flash Mob
  • to reinstate a new town symbol that would symbolize a call to action.

Dec 29, 2009

Annual Psychological Eval

Are you a "list" person?
Must you grapple around for your "to do" list before you can start your day?


Or is your day like a well-thought-out-and-presented thesis for your PhD?
Does your "to do" list have bullet points and bold lettering?



Or do you accomplish things with the randomness of flipping a coin? Are you a sticky note person with little instructions and reminders all over the place, trying to see a big picture in the random layout of notes like a Rorschach inkblot test?
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The way you do things says a lot about you and each year you should take pause, examine your life, your modus operandi and guage your personality and emotional functioning.
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Might even help with establishing your New Years Resolutions.

I'm struggling. I keep increasing my work-load and increasing my interests and activities without cutting back or decreasing anything. As a result, I'm overwhelmed and way behind. I don't do anything well and I too often do things just enough to get by. I'm confused, unfocused, stressed, ineffective and inefficient. Or maybe I always feel this way in December after a full year of putting things off and not completing each day's "to do" list, putting more and more items on "tomorrow's to-do list." And by December, that baby's long. Too long to accomplish anything so I wad it up, throw it away and begin a fresh new year in January with a short "to-do" list and 364 days ahead of me to accomplish it.
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How do you stay organized?
How do you Get Things Done?
What motivates you?
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Take it a step further: what puts a bounce in your step?
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PS - I'm a sticky note, random person:

Dec 27, 2009

Mom's Famous Apple Bread


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Mom's Famous Apple Bread, around these parts, has become known as "Val's Famous Apple Bread," so if you're confused at the title of this post, it's because I've misled all of you and now I have to pay the piper and give credit where credit is due. It's mom's famous recipe, MOM's, OK?
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So we had to whip up a batch for Christmas.
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The Cool Yule and I.
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And I noticed -- I'm really filling out my apron - like a real Grandma! And the spectacles, everything! Grandmaville, here I am.
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But enough about me.
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I've decided to share the recipe. Eva looks startled at the announcement, but, yes, it's true, I'm giving away the secret recipe. (with my evil grin that says "just see if you can figure out the one ingredient I leave out...eee heee heeee")
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1 c. oil
2 c. sugar
3 eggs, beaten
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tsp. cinnamon
3 c. flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
3 c. chopped apples, and we mean chopped
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When you've chopped those apples til you're exhausted, chop some more, or get some kid to do it for you, make it a game!
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Combine oil and sugar.
Beat in eggs and vanilla.
Add flour, cinnamon, soda and salt.
Mix well.
Stir in apples.
Put in mini loaf pans.
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Bake at 300 for 1 hr 20 minutes.
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Unplug the beaters. Lick the beaters. Lick the spoon. Lick the bowl.
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Share with friends.

Dec 26, 2009

Christmas Shopping for Mommy



So last year when Eva and I were making our list and checking it twice, she said she was getting her mommy "green cereal" for Christmas. Oh yes, she assured me, mommy loves green cereal (Apple Jacks).

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And I took her out to buy and wrap some Apple Jacks, which it turned out Eva herself seemed to like a lot.

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So this year I asked her again what she'd like to buy mommy for Christmas.
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"Oh," she said, "it has to be really beautiful. Pookie! Take me to a very special place where I can buy mommy something beautiful, really, really, really, really beautiful, and very special for Christmas!"
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I put the pedal to the medal...
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...and took her to the most beautiful and really, really special place I know.
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Starbucks.
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She ate an entire cup of whipped cream, danced a ballet in front of a lady who works at the Columbia Ballet and colored a picture for Nana.
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Of course, that wasn't what Eva had in mind, she wanted the most beautiful clothes, so we went clothes shopping. She picked several items to compare and then spotted this leopard print.

"Pookie, mama loves leopard. I have to get her this shirt. She really, really loves leopard." (Kind of like she loves green cereal??)
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Eva counted her money right then and there to see if she could afford it.
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Drats. She didn't have enough money. -
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We walked around the store, grabbing gorgeous items willy nilly and tossing them in our cart. We eventually pulled over and sorted through our cart. After careful consideration, she narrowed it down to one complete outfit. Then we had to go to the jewelry department to pick the right necklace to go with it. She took a lot of time picking the perfect necklace and we disagreed on it, so we bought two. My perfect and her perfect.

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Then Eva got sidetracked by the beautiful earrings and had to pick out a pair for Aunt Marjorie. Again, she had to pick the perfect pair and she had to compare several pair in order to do this.

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Finally we had our selections and we went to check out. Eva's a smart shopper. It all fit inside her $2.00 budget. She couldn't believe it, what luck!

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(And did you notice the purple princess gown and wand she managed to slip in there for herself? She wore the gown for the next 4 days non-stop, even to bed, even to church, even to the dr. And she used the wand bibbidy, bobbidy, boo on me three times and turned me into a horse)
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I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and got everything you ever wanted, especially a princess gown and wand.

Dec 25, 2009

Merry Christmas From the West Coast

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The UPS man delivered Christmas from the West Coast, woo hoo! Turns out..... Robert _ _ _ _ _ Holsenback sent several packages to the Cool Yule, leaving me wondering "Where's mine???"
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But I was quite excited enough just to find out his middle name which was proudly on the return label.
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And I will reveal it to the highest bidder.
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Click here and here and here to learn more about Robby.
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Robby - Merry Christmas! We miss you and are thinking of you today!

Mary Explains Christmas

And Mary said:
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My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior,
because He has looked with favor on the humble condition of His slave.
Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed,
because the Mighty One
has done great things for me,
and His name is holy.
His mercy is from generation to generation
on those who fear Him.
He has done a mighty deed with His arm;
He has scattered the proud
because of the thoughts of their hearts;
He has toppled the mighty from their thrones
and exalted the lowly.
He has satisfied the hungry with good things
and sent the rich away empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
mindful of His mercy,
just as He spoke to our ancestors,
to Abraham and his descendants forever.

Dec 24, 2009

Apollo 8 Taught us to Worship the King

Our nation was in a serious slump on December 24, 1968 with the Vietnam War and the assassinations of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy. Our nation was torn, our nation was rioting, our nation was angry and confused, passionately wanting to go in different directions.

With a little help from Boeing, Douglas Aircraft and IBM, NASA engineers had been working furiously in the '60's to orbit the moon. President Kennedy boldly proclaimed that we would land a man on the moon by the end of the decade. NASA - Marshall Space Flight Center -- had three or four different types of rockets in experimentation and finally agreed upon the C-5, consisting of three stages, about 11 or more engines and renamed it Saturn V to up the cool factor and decrease the nerd factor. (my supposition)
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Throughout the '60's Saturn V was used for all the Apollo missions, taking off from Cape Canaveral. She was shipped down the Mighty Mississip, into the Gulf, around Florida, up the Intra Coastal Waterway to the place where we still launch rockets today, the place where my childhood friend launched to spend two weeks on the space station in '08 while I watched the NASA channel every day eating egg salad sandwiches back to back for some odd reason. I watched him board the space station, work on it and work on it's external frame while tethered to the space station and floating in space, at which point I went outside and waved up at him. Just in case.
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But my point. Back to Dec. 24, 1968 and the dream to orbit the moon. The Saturn V arrived at Cape Canaveral, was boarded by three brave astronauts, and blasted off under the name "Apollo 8," with the men being given a 50/50 chance of returning and surviving.
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On Christmas Eve the astronauts transmitted an image of the lunar surface to tv's all across America. On Christmas Eve, this is the message our astronauts sent back to earth:
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"We are now approaching lunar sunrise and, for all the people back on Earth, the crew of Apollo 8 has a message that we would like to send to you.

'In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light, and there was light.....'"
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The astronauts took turns reading the first ten verses of Genesis.

When my friend went to the space station recently, he and his crew had several worshipful moments.
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Amazing how the most scientific among us are brought to their knees in worship.
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Oh, Come, Let us adore Him!

Merry Christmas!!

Dec 23, 2009

Which Wich?



I might be way behind the times, but I just discovered a fun sandwich shop. Not just a fun sandwich shop, a superior sandwich shop.
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You walk in and go to a stand for the general type of sandwich you crave. Like "Italian" or "Turkey" or "Vegetarian," "Seafood," "Classics," or "Comfort."
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Whereupon you select a bag and a Which Wich Sharpie marker. The bag, as you can see, has many selections for you to personalize your sandwich, the options are almost endless.
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Should you desire, you can flip your bag over and play tic, tac, toe while you wait for your family and friends to complete their orders.
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Then, my favorite part, you write your name at the bottom of the bag. It's the honor system! They take your word for it! I, of course, wrote "Nicole" because I was feeling like a Nicole that night. See? Don't I look Nicole-ish?
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Later... when they called our names to pick up the food... the rest of my family had written their real names except Marj, who was going by the name "Mary." I thought she was feeling like a Mary, I didn't think she was acting like a Mary, but she said everyone mis-reads her name anyway, so she made it easy.
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So then you give your bag to the cashier, fork over an obscenely high price for your Wich, and watch your order zip down the zipline to the sandwich assembly line. (You know how I like ziplines!)
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The food is certainly fresh and the options are plenty, amazing really. The experience is fun. But the price is a little bit high, I think all Wiches are $5.50. Some stores offer online ordering, which would be nice in an office rush-hour scenario.
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OK. My faorite part? I lied. The Best Part is a little back corner I found at my local Which Wich where you could use your Sharpie to decorate your bag and hang it up for display. See mine? Probably not -- it's in the middle of the photo, in a glare, with "Pookie" at the top that looks like "Pooker."
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I most likely will never go again, but sure had fun when I went. {Digging like a dog through my purse for those old SubWay coupons I wadded up}

Dec 22, 2009

So Will Came in the Other Day....


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... set down his backpack...
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------... and began to play us a little diddy.

Merry Christmas from Iraq

(2008) 1/4 Bravo Company, 3rd platoon. Featuring Simi T. Simi as tenor, Shaun Clark as lead, and Nick Hesselgrave as bass.





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(Just had to throw her in here somewhere.)

Dec 21, 2009

Alice Explains Christmas to the Brady Bunch

College Kids High on Life

The "kids" came home for Thanksgiving Break,
entered my kitchen
and began acting like kids again.

I sneaked up with my camera when I realized they were working on a project.
For reasons that elude me, they wanted to spell out LIFE with their bodies.

For reasons that elude me, this took them a long,
long
long time.
They just couldn't figure it out.





Finally..... Wallah!
LIFE

with a pink exclamation point, no less! (and an underscore - Grayson is laying across the bottom, out of the photo)

Take time to enjoy LIFE this Christmas.

Dec 19, 2009

Mama Walton Explains Christmas

Tacky Tour Results

For those who read about my gingerbread cookies and my excitement for the upcoming Tacky Tour Bus Party, here are some photos from the event:


Dec 18, 2009

This Just In...


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. . . we spotted Santa eating breakfast at the Kwik Karry this morning.

Pinky & the Brain Christmas

Just for my kids.



Dec 17, 2009

You Can't Catch Me . . .


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. . . I'm the Gingerbread Man, errrr, woman.
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I have the best gingerbread man recipe. It's quite complicated and has some strange chemical reaction thing going on in the middle of it, but once the dough is made, all the children come running to cut out their own gingerbread men or in this case, woman.
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In all my 23 years of baking it, there was only one year the children were uninterested and I had to rent the Steen children for my Christmas fun.
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The Steen children, Jesse pictured here in pink,
are the perfect rental children if you ever need
children to create your ole timey downhome Christmas.

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When I rented the Steen children, my children recognized the fleeting nature of their position and I never had to rent children again.
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Each year the cookies serve a different constituent. One year I passed them around the guys at the local junkyard (sorry, Doug, I know, it's an empire). Another year, the Wok n Roll TakeOut guys got my cookies (I had spent many a lunch there that year). Another year I shaped the gingerbread men like cowboys and took them to the local horse show.
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This year the cookies are for... my...
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...Tacky Tour Bus Party.
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I know! Right?
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Tacky Tour alone is great. Bus Party by itself is great. Put them together and you party like it's 1999.
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A crowd of us snarky people will board the short bus tonight and tour the tackiest Christmas lights in the Columbia area.
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Hot chocolate splashing, gingerbread crumbs flying as we squeal and jump, point and laugh, awarding homes the Tacky Jacky, the Junior Tacky, The Griswold and the Classy Tacky.
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So that's what my cookies are for this year. My Bus Party. See you there?

Dec 13, 2009

SM Lockridge Explains Christmas

Dr. Shadrach Meshach Lockridge was the pastor of Calvary Baptist Church in San Diego from '53 - '93. This is 3 minutes of his famous "That's My King" sermon. I thought it particularly appropriate to share at Christmas time when so many are asking: Who is the Christ child?



Lockridge:
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"The reason God came from nowhere was there was nowhere for him to come from. And coming from nowhere, He stood on nothing for there was nowhere for Him to stand. And standing on nothing, He reached out where there was nowhere to reach and caught something where there was nothing to catch, and hung something on nothing, and told it to stay there."

Dec 11, 2009

The Dwight Schrute Army of Champions

Join the Dwight Schrute Army of Champions.
We're taking Scranton and the Tri-County area.
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This is not a drill.
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Fact: I am older. I am wiser.
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Do not mess with me.

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My father's name?
Dwight Schrute.
My grandfather's name?
Dwight. Schrute.
His father's name?
Dwide Schrude.

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I have an acute ability to read people.
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You need an attack plan.
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You need to vanquish fear!
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Day or night, he'll use his might to fight for right . . .




Who is Dwight Schrute?

Dec 10, 2009

George Lopez Takes On Clint Eastwood

George Lopez recently had Clint Eastwood on his show. Here's a clip of Lopez begging Eastwood to visit. If you saw Gran Torino, watch the clip. If you didn't see the movie, don't bother, the clip won't be funny.

Dec 9, 2009

SC, Blackville: A Breakfast Joint

I woke up wondering what kind of breakfast joints they have in nearby Blackville. It's a strange thought upon waking, but better than yesterday's perplexing waking thought: "Pick Pickler."
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Jumped in my car, cranked it, began heading out and found a txt message from Connie "Coffee?"
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"Not today. I'm heading to Blackville to see how they serve My Usual over there. Wanna go?"
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I think this is a YES.
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We arrived in Blackville to find no obvious place to eat breakfast. So I stopped at Willie's Hardware.
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If you want to know anything about a small town, stop at the hardware store.
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"Where do the locals eat breakfast around here?"
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Mrs. Willie recommended I go straight at the stop light and pull into the Golden Pantry gas station across from Subway, they make a breakfast there.
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So we did.
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I didn't find any locals eating any breakfast.
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But I found this sweetheart and she told me "Oh, you have to go to Shelton's!" (like I have lots of options??) "Go back through the light, up the hill and it's at the blinking light, on the right."
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Lawsy I didn't know there was a hill in Blackville.
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There's the hill.
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We took a deep breath and ascended the hill.
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Promising. They used to have a drive thru. Boy, this is big time, I was getting excited.
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When she recommended this place, I knew it would be rough. I've passed this place many times and have always been too scared to stop.
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Unemployed men hanging around, leering, chewing. That's not exactly what I meant by "where the locals hang out."
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We clutched our purses close, kept our eyes to the ground and made our way inside. Sure enough, there was a grill back there behind the counter. The cook wasn't too friendly, but I managed to squeak out my usual.
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Connie was excited -- they offered fried bologna, grits n pudding, a real country breakfast joint. ..... and they even had a healthy menu.... see!
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We made our way to the dining section -- three 2-man booths by the windows. Lucky for us, one booth was available. It was covered in sticky food residue. Again, lucky for us, it was in the cleaning products aisle and clorox was only an arm's reach away.
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Connie, again, was excited. She got her a pork chop samwitch. You can't get a pork chop samwitch just anywhere, y'know.
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It's hard to mess up my usual -- one egg sunnyside up with toast. But it was sure messed up. Did I ask for partially undercooked and partially burnt toast?
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We didn't have any silverware or plasticware or anything, so for the first time in my life, I just picked that sucker up with my hands and took a bite. Did I look happy? 'Cause I don't think I was happy.
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and Connie said "Wait. What's that on the windowsill, just over your shoulder, Val?"
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"Don't look, don't look, don't look!" I squeaked.
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dang. She looked.
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Yeah, it was loaded with dead flies.
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By the time we were done, she was digging into her stomach calming pills. We passed 'em around.